Recently I have found myself overwhelmed with making some decisions.  Which direction should I take my business?  Should I further my education and credentials?   Should I seek some additional part time work to fund these ventures?

Decisions, decisions, sometimes I feel like I am swimming upstream in trying to choose a viable decision that makes sense and resonates with me.  I have engaged my logical, thought process carefully writing out and weighing the pros and cons of a decision.  I rethink, rehash, rewrite and still no sense of ah-ha or clarity for me.  In fact the opposite happens, I have a total disconnect and have difficulty even remembering what sparked my passion and excitement in the beginning. 

Can you relate?  How often have you found yourself at a crossroads trying to decide which path to travel and feeling paralyzed with uncertainty and unable to make a decision?  Maybe it is making a career change, leaving an unhealthy relationship, or finding a new direction for your business which is more resonate for you. 

Throughout our lives we will be faced with making many decisions.  This can add excitement, adventure, personal growth, and a great of sense of satisfaction. There are those times when you will make a decision and have that knowingness that this is exactly the right place for you to be.  Life is good! 

The advantage to making a decision is that you draw a clear line in defining what it is you want.  Although this will mean that you will eliminate options, the pay off can be liberating.  This clarity empowers you to move forward and go after the results you have decided to focus on. 

So what can you do if weighing the pros and cons and analyzing the facts doesn’t propel you forward in making a decision? What other avenues are there?  Each of us has our own internal compass, our intuition that we can tap into to determine if we are on track when making our decisions.  Our intuition takes into account all the factors and outcomes of a decision and provides us feedback in the form of feelings within our body. 

To reconnect with our intuition we need to quiet our minds and start tuning into our feelings and sensations within our bodies.  You will need to find a quiet place where you can get into a relaxed comfortable position. 

Close your eyes and take a few deep slow breaths in and out.  Then focus on your normal breath as flows in and out of your body.  When a thought enters your mind and you notice it, acknowledge it without analysis or judging and gently let it go. Then return your focus to your breathing Slowly scan your body from head to toe noting any spots of tension and gently releasing these on an exhale.

Once you have quieted your body and mind then explore each option you are considering before making your decision. Note any feelings or sensations you have in your body that is associated with that option.  You may feel a sense of tightness or discomfort advising you to take caution on certain decisions. You many feel a nudge to stop or go.  Or you get a sense of ease and relief and feel very comfortable with that choice.  Whatever you feel it is important to acknowledge these feeling and have faith that these are powerful indicators working on your behalf. 

Initially these feeling may be very faint but when you begin tuning in and listening you will start to notice clear indicators.  We rely heavily on our logical thought process to get things done and often ignore our intuitive side.  It may take some time to hone and use your inner compass.  Stick with it.  This innate wisdom is within all of us and it is a resource to we can tap into.

So next time you are feeling dissatisfied yet feel unable to make a decision try quieting that ever present intellectual mind for just a few moments.  Tune into your inner compass and feelings, the results may reveal some insight and clarity that was right under your nose.  The end result leaving you with a sense of resonance, release of tension, and a clear indication you are on the right track.

This summer I challenged myself to take on some new courses to enrich my own personal inner growth and to further develop my business.  The experience has taken me on a roller coaster ride.  Facing our vulnerabilities is not an easy task.  Often it is easier to turn away, ignore or distract ourselves than to feel and explore our vulnerabilities fully.  With the support of some insightful teachers and supportive classmates, I have discovered that some amazing learning can happen when we explore our vulnerabilities and painful points in our life.

For many of you who know me already and for those of you who do not, I am a self described introvert.  Throughout my life I have found it a challenge learning how to fit in and navigate what I view as our extroverted world. How many countless times have I heard and was irked by the comment, “You need to come out of your shell.”  My interpretation of this was that I did not fit in this world until I did.  This was a belief I harboured for many years.

Recently I was challenged once again to step outside my shell and my comfort zone.  I am not going to lie; this touched a nerve and evoked painful emotions.  I was asked, what is it that makes you believe you have to play it small and not occupy too much space in this world.  Knowing this question came from a loving mentor, I sat with my emotions and pondered the impact my vulnerabilities have on life and business, how to embrace them and work with them.

Exploring this challenge, I discovered I was not alone with grappling with this issue.  There are many of us play it small for different reasons.  At some point in time, someone may have said or did something to us that caused us to internalize and question our worth, value, and ability to succeed.  This creates uncertainty, shame, and feelings of lack and unworthiness.  Instead of finding ways to address it, deal with it and work through it we try to ignore, hide it, and hope it passes.  The problem is that when we put ourselves in situations where we are challenge our comfort zones, these old feelings resurface with gusto. 

What I discovered this summer was that when I embraced my own vulnerabilities and allowed them a space to be heard and felt fully, I connected with my inner voice and wisdom.  This was quite different from trying to think my way through my emotions and rationalize with them.  An exciting part of this experience was that I discovered a love for writing and crafting poetry.  Expression of my feelings and experiences flows easily for me when I write them out in poetry form.  What is even more interesting is that my words and poems flows easier when I am in the moment and my emotions are raw.

We each are graced with our own unique talents and gifts.  Our strengths, our gifts are where our light shines.  Where is your passion, what do you love, what lights you up and feeds your soul?  For each of us this answer may be very different.  Amongst us are teachers, inspiring entertainers, loving caregivers, artists and writers that move us, vibrant leaders, quiet leaders, insightful counsellors, philosophers, inventors, builders, dreamers  and explorers that like to go beyond what seems possible.  We are not all the same nor do we need to try to be. 

“The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.” ~ Louise Hay

Our internal dialogue, with our thoughts, judgments, and feelings constantly plays through our minds.  The lines we feed ourselves emerge from the chapters of our life stories.  Some of the pages in our stories are worn and dog-eared.  We know these stories so well we can recite many of our lines from memory.

So where do these lines come from? These lines that we have to come to believe as our truth and the guideposts for shaping our experiences and the reality we are living.  Our stories begin from the day we are born.  The gathering and creation of many of our current assumptions and beliefs are rooted in our childhood.  As a child we would not have questioned or examined what we learned to believe as true. 

We then continue to carry and weave many of these beliefs throughout our lives.  Many of the lines we perpetually feed ourselves have never actually been re-examined and explored to see if they are actually  reflect who we are or who we want to be today.

Each one of us has the personal power to change our thoughts and the lines we feed ourselves.  That is great news as some our thoughts and beliefs can be very negative and downright destructive to our well being.  You know the ones.  Those pesky pop ups of “Who do you think you are?”, “Your not good enough.”, “Your only going to make yourself look foolish.” and the list goes on. 

So in knowing that we hold the power in our hands why is it that we continue to feed ourselves those old familiar lines that do not serve us well.  Understanding the role our brain chemistry plays on our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behavior is important.  When we seek to adopt new beliefs and behavior we feel out of balance and our brain will seek to find the baseline.  There are physiological feedback loops that act and make the same old familiar way of thinking and doing things preferable even when you want to change. 

Stepping back and observing your thoughts can help you gain some perspective and distance you need to consciously select your thoughts for the experiences you want to create.  Meditation is a great practice that allows you to acknowledge your thoughts and then gently detach and release them without judgment.

It is important to remember is that it takes at least three to six weeks of consistent action in order to see a noticeable change in your behavior or way of thinking.  Your brain will even seek to continue to return to the old familiar baseline for three to six months later. 

So remember you do have the personal power to create the experiences and life you want.  Patience, consistency, and compassion for yourself when you do slip back into your old patterns of thinking are essential.

 So whose line is it?  It is yours.  Yours to own through the thoughts you think and the words you speak.

Are you a dreamer with goals, aspirations and ideas on what you want in your life, yet find yourself stuck in neutral?  Perhaps you are overwhelmed on where to begin, what to do next, or you doubt yourself, and sabotage your own efforts.  So how do you move forward from the dreamer to the doer, particularly when you get stuck in neutral?

One of the most effective ways to accomplish our goals and aspirations is to break them down into more manageable individual action steps.  Here are a couple of approaches which can help you to create some workable action steps.

Imagine that you have already achieved your goal and work backwards.  Close your eyes and visualize all the details.  What would it look like?  How would you be feeling?  Who would be around you? Be as specific and clear as possible.

Then look backwards; what did you do to get where you are now?  And before that what did you do? Tracing your steps backwards to the beginning may help you to clearly see a path and even show you how you worked past your stumbling blocks.

Mind mapping is another effective strategy for chunking your goals and dreams down into a manageable action plan.  Mind mapping is simply a visual detailed to-do list for guiding you in achieving your goal.  You start by placing your desired goal or dream into a centre circle.  Extending from the main centre circle, you create a number of outside smaller circles.  Smaller goals or sub goals that you need to do to accomplish your main goal are placed within each of these circles.  Finally you draw several lines outside each of the smaller circles.  On each of these lines you identify specific detailed tasks and actions you need to complete in order to achieve your sub goals.

From this visual exercise you can create a master to-do list.  You can create a plan and convert each item from the list into daily action tasks and set a completion date for each one.  Setting time deadlines is another important component for making goals and dreams a reality.

Having a workable plan and small action steps can be beneficial for dealing with the negative self-talk which can arise and derail your aspirations.  When a negative thought arises like, “I just can’t do this.”, when you have a plan you can counteract it with the positive, “If I break this down into small enough steps, I can do it.” By taking one step at a time you will move forward, from that dreamer to a doer.

Our self-talk is critical in our success in achieving our dreams and goals.  We talk to ourselves through words, pictures, and emotions at three to four hundred words minute.   You need to make a conscious effort to use positive words when you talk to yourself and to others about yourself.  Check to ensure what you visualize also reflects your goals and dreams.  Studies have revealed that visualization is powerful.  In practising a skill, athletes and piano players alike have shown that through imagining practising a skill their ability to play improved.

Checking your self-talk when you have setback is also important.  Stumbling blocks and setbacks are part of life.  Learning how to move forward when we encounter setbacks is a learning opportunity and a chance for growth.   Support yourself in this growth by noting what you say and how you judge your actions. Replace any negative statement such as, “Why do I even try?” or “There I go again.  I’ll never get it right.” with more positive supportive statements like, “I’ll take a different approach next time.” or “I’ll get up and do it again but this time I will prepare more effectively.”

Finally a great tip to help you prioritize and complete all of your action items is revealed in Brian Tracy’s book, “Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating.”  He suggests when setting goals to identify the top five things you must accomplish on any given day.  Then from these top five pick the one item you must absolutely get done first.  By eating your biggest frog or your most challenging task first, you will be motivated to get more done making the rest of your day easier.

The same momentum can be created by breaking your goals and aspirations into manageable steps and taking action on them each day.  The spark created from taking daily action and supporting this with positive self-talk and images can motivate you and move you from a dreamer to a doer.



                                                                                              
                                                                                                 Photo Credit: ubieepower.com

Does the very thought of stepping out of your comfort zone send quivers up your spine or set the butterflies in your stomach in motion?   Why is it we are so fearful when we start moving in that positive direction that we so deeply desire? 
Whether it is moving to a new career or starting your own business, returning to school to study a program you are passionate about, or having a new relationship.  All your desires can be quickly derailed when you entertain the pesky can’t, should, and what if’s that can creep into your mind.

Through recent advances in brain science, researchers have been able to track the energy of our thoughts moving through the brain.  What they have discovered through observing different areas of the brain that light up in response to specific thoughts is that when it comes to change we all want to avoid it.

Anything we do that is a regular part of our day becomes patterned, habitual and “hardwired” and takes less mental energy to perform. When we start trying to step out of our comfort zone and make a change, even though it may be what we really want to do, our prefrontal cortex is stimulated. 

The prefrontal cortex is the executive centre of the brain responsible for planning, reasoning and making decisions, and it is linked directly to the amygdale.  The amygdale, often referred to as the primitive brain, is what controls our “flight or fight” response.  So when we overwhelm our prefrontal cortex with new and unfamiliar ideas, the amygdale connection kicks in and generates the emotions of anxiety and fear. 

So what can you do to offset this?  One of the best approaches is to make your unfamiliar, novel idea of changing your career or starting your business more familiar.  For a new idea or change to become less threatening our prefrontal cortex needs a lot of repetition.  Talking about the change you want to make will help.  Write about it in a journal, talk to a friend you can trust, or seek the guidance of a coach.

Vision is another effective tool.  The images we create in our minds are powerful.  Our previous experiences shape the mental images that we are both attracted to and repelled by.  If you previously changed jobs and your move was unsuccessful, this will have had enormous impact on your mental image of changing careers. 

Create a vision board of pictures and statements that generate positive emotions around the changes you want make in your life.  Compelling images that reflect what you want to do, what you want to have and what you want to be. This will help you alleviate some of your fear and anxiety and lower your perceived risk in taking that leap of faith.

Finally recognize that your prefrontal cortex is always keeping watch for signs of danger.  If you have expectations or make statements that feel unrealistic and which you don’t really believe in, your prefrontal cortex notes that and triggers a red light alert.  It will seek to find other indications of false pretence and in turn, triggers the amygdale to respond with that “fight or flight” response.  Being aware and recognizing what is happening on a physiological level can help you understand that fear of change is not just you and your lack of will.

We are wired to avoid things which we perceive as frightening, uncomfortable and painful.  But remaining in our comfort zones doesn’t allow us to grow. Staying comfortable can create that sense of restlessness, discontent and stagnation.  Yes stepping out of our comfort zone is going to be challenging and uncomfortable in the beginning.  The good news is you don’t have to jump off the deep end to a make a change.  If you are not ready to take that leap of faith, simply start by dipping your toes in the water. Talking about what you want and creating new positive images can be the refreshing kick start you just need.